Crushed Not Cursed

Written By: S. Tuttle

*Spoiler Alert* I used to have a real stinky whatever kind of attitude.

No, I’m not talking about the sarcastic teenage eye-roll kind we we’re all guilty of. Not even the “I’m chill, I’m cool, it doesn’t matter” kind… Although, I did play that card with Shy and now we’re married – take notes fellas!  

I’m talking about the kind of whatever that builds in the middle of chaos. The kind that grows in a kid who’s seen too much, heard too much, and been through more than most adults ever will. My whatever was my armor. It looked like indifference, but really, it was just pain in disguise, I was disassociating. I was numb. I was bitter. 

Another eviction? Whatever.
Mom’s not been by in months? Whatever.
They’re fighting and things are broke? Whatever.

I wasn’t rebellious. I wasn’t cold-hearted. I was just tired. Tired of hoping for change that never came. Tired of feeling like the only kid trying to survive in a world full of grown-ups who’d given up. So I stopped expecting things to get better and let my “whatever” take the wheel. It was easier to act like I didn’t care than to admit how deeply I did. Honestly, I’m the biggest empath, if someone’s hurting – I feel it. I can cry at the drop of a hat (I’ll drop the hat.) 

If someone had walked up to me in my teenage years quoting Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” I wouldn’t have believed them. I might have even rolled my eyes. Because back then, I couldn’t see past the mess that was my life. And I sure didn’t see a future. My “hope” was just getting through the week without some kind of new trauma landing on our doorstep; and praying no one at school noticed.

But here’s the thing about God — He doesn’t need your permission to keep His promises.

He doesn’t cancel your calling because you’re stuck in survival mode.

He doesn’t walk away when you do.

He waits. He pursues. He shows up in the middle of the mess.

Looking back now, I can see His fingerprints all over the places I thought were God-forsaken. I can see how He protected me from things I didn’t even know were dangerous. How He placed people in my life who gave me glimpses of something better. How He softened my heart over time, even when I swore I didn’t care.

I still say “whatever” sometimes — but now, it sounds different.

Now it sounds like:

Whatever comes my way, I know God’s in control.

Whatever the enemy tries, I trust God’s already made a way through it.

Whatever this world throws at me, it’s not bigger than the promises spoken over my life.

Because I believe what Romans 8:28 says and I’ve seen the evidence — “And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” Now, I wholeheartedly trust Him.

Even in the hard stuff. Especially in the hard stuff.

Even before I was born, before that 3.4lb preemie had a name, before my story got messy — God had already set me apart. “I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb. Before you were born, I set you apart…” (Jeremiah 1:5, NLT)

Now when I say “whatever,” I don’t say it from a place of defeat. I say it from a place of peace.

Whatever happens, His plan still stands.
Whatever breaks, He can rebuild.
Whatever I lose, He can redeem.

That doesn’t mean I never get overwhelmed or aggravated — I promise, I still have my moments. But my faith has shifted something in me. I don’t spiral the way I used to. I don’t live bracing for the next ruination. I know who’s holding it all together, even when I’m not.

God took the version of me that was numb, angry, and burned out, and replaced it with someone who actually believes He’s working it all together for good. That’s not just a cute verse to me — it’s personal. It’s my real hope. He is my real hope.

So yeah… I still say “whatever.”

But now, it’s because I trust the One writing the story.

And if you’re reading this and any of it sounds like your life — I just want you to know that it’s not too late to trade your “whatever” for something better. If you’re breathing, redemption and restoration are available.

Ask God to show up. Even if it’s just a whisper. Even if you’re not sure how to believe yet.

Ask Him to soften your heart — the one you’ve had to harden just to survive.

Ask Him to break through the numbness, the fear, the pain.

Invite the Holy Spirit to guide you, even if you don’t know what that looks like. You don’t have to have it all figured out — you just have to be willing to say, “God, I’m open.”

Because the same God who didn’t give up on me? He hasn’t given up on you either.

There is healing. There is hope. There is purpose.

And there is peace waiting for you — the kind that doesn’t depend on your circumstances, but on the One who holds your future in His hands.

You don’t have to stay stuck in survival mode forever.

Try Jesus.

He’s already got a plan — one that no man, no mistake, and no storm can take away.